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"The only person worth your tears is the one who wont make you cry" [Oct. 14th, 2004|09:26 pm]
[Current Mood |accomplished]
[Current Music |Lose it - Eminem]

That quote is so wrong on so many levels. The "person" they're talking about, the one worth all your tears.. is obviously playing the role of the soul mate. Correct?.. I think so. So, being the soul mate, meaning there is love involved. And the soul mate I'm talking about isn't the best friend soul mate, but rather the lover soul mate. So this lover, wont make you cry, so that makes him/her all worthy of being your soul mate. I completely disagree. Being in love means learning new things about another person. Learning what makes them happy, and what makes them sad. Learning about what makes them tick, and what makes them, them. Being in love is about experiencing all and any emotion between just you and this character. Which involves crying. Which involves laughing. Which involves anger. Which involves happiness. Any emotion you have ever experienced you should experience with this person, before you know they're your definite soul mate. Love is learning new things about someone, learning things that most people don't know, and adapting together to each other's ways and feelings. So, therefore, in order to be in love, and find that soulmate, he/she will have to make you cry.. or else your relationship isn't that strong, if you don't know what makes the other tick.
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(no subject) [Sep. 13th, 2004|07:51 pm]
People are fucking pathetic. 2 faced piece of shit bastards!! Well guess what guys - banning me from a goddamed chat room isn't going to affect my every fucking day life!! You think you're so fucking cool, because you have power over a fucking chatroom?! Grow the fuck up and get a life. Maybe if you weren't so perverted, I'd have never been a bitch to you!! Excuse me for not wanting you in my pants! My Bad!! You people are fucking idiots. I'm the fucking teenager here - and you're the ones acting like children. You really need some self reflection time because you're seriously pathetic. Just Grow Up.

Vampirefreaks.com is a fucking joke. And all the people on that site are pathetic fucks with no life, and nothing better to do then blow shit out of proportion.

<3 Me
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Blehg. [Sep. 12th, 2004|09:44 pm]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |Alanis Morisette]

I know I haven't updated in here forever.. and I don't really know why.

I'm in one of those moods again, it came really quickly and unexpected. I was on the phone with Brandon a bit ago and was so happy. Now, I'm fucking depressed and on the verge of crying again. The stupidest fucking thing started all of this, and then it just progressed - I started thinking and that's never good. Now I feel like shit about things that haven't really crossed my mind in a while. I'm talking to Adam and crying. Ugh, here goes the Emo shit.

I was just thinking and I don't have a true friend. Now I'm sure you're all like "what?! I'm your friend!" and so on. But it's different.. Do any of you have a friend who you could say this to, and mean it? "I know that I can always talk to you. That's why I tell you everything... and by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Cause I know you understand me completely and I trust you with everything in my head. I love you more and more each day, honestly. Haha, I sound so corny. But it's true. I love you soooo much."
Well I don't. I don't have any that come remotely close. I have an amazing boyfriend, and people I go out and get high with. I have people I talk to from the internet, and the occasional people I'll talk to/hang out with.. but none I can actually open up to, and trust them with my secrets. I feel so fucking alone right now, like I've got nobody. It's funny, because I am really depressed, and I feel like shit inside - but I have no intention of cutting. I guess, deep down inside I've realized that it's going to accomplish nothing. And all it will do is make me feel worse, more suicidal, and ..so on. It just doesn't make me feel better like it used to. I'd really like some pot right now though - I'd feel so fucking much better.

Can you become addicted to weed? Because I think I am. Whenever I'm not stoned - I'm fuckin depressed and always wanting it. And whenever I'm coming off a high, I'm pissy and want more. I guess it kinda scares me, because I saw the way my dad was.. how my aunt is - and I don't want to be that way. At the same time, I know I'm not going to quit smoking it. I'm hoarding all the lunch money and shit that my mom gives me so that I can buy weed. Brandon and I talked about it, and I think he's really worried about me. He wants me to at least cut down, but it isn't like I do it everyday. I don't know- fuck I feel shitty.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

More tomorrow.

</3 Me.
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For Greg [Aug. 20th, 2004|12:50 pm]

I can't say I'm surprised at the way things turned out..

Just a mild sense of disappointment at the thought of no reassuring words coming from your mouth.

But I guess I should've known,

And I know I should've guessed,

That in the end that place known as the heart, would be broken once more in my chest.

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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2004|12:05 am]
Bitter Touch (My Mind)

Unfufilled Wishes
Shattered Dreams
Tainted Smiles
Silent Screams
Angels Beaten
Beautiful Fiends
Bleeding Away
By any means.

Screaming Scars
Stars Fade
Broken Memories
Of every shade.
Love Forgotten
Illegaly Yours
Broken Words
Unwanted Whores

Shattered Beauty
Unheard Tears
Raped a Child
Of it's unspoken fears.
Faceless People
Crys of Pain
Torn apart, by acid rain.

Hidden Violence
Raging Wounds
Morbid Crys
Filling Tombs
Hopes Destroyed
Screaming Flames
Tears of Blood
From playing games.

A Tragic Story
Painful Ties
Scarlet Skin
Unpleasant Lies.
Never Wanted
Unraveled Past
Sweet Touch
That won't Last.

Disaster Addict
Tampered Wrist
What to do?
Never Missed
Violent Slave
Dirty Mind
Hatred Increasing
Throughout Time.

Darken Winds
Kiss of Death
Cut Once More
My Last Breath..
Dark Delusions
Failing Emotions
Dreaded Desire
Forgotten Devotions

Silent Suicide
Blurred Minds
Slave of Blood
Until the end of time.
Tears of blood, fell out of sight.
Broken Child
Crys into the night.

Random Thoughts
That Fill the Page
Bringing Pain
And Wicked Rage
No One Sees
The Pain Inside,
Bitter Touch
Of My Mind.

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Untitled [Aug. 19th, 2004|06:42 am]
Dazed and Confused, you run- find the door.
Mascara smeared from the night before.
Slit necks and wrists lusting to pour,
Puddles of skin freshly peeled from the floor.
Ripped pantyhose upon blood stained sheets,
Lipstick soiled with weeps upon weeks.
Needles void of it's carbon candy,
This ritual that makes it all fucking dandy.
Innocent Victims made to toys,
Rape a bitch, crucify a boy.
Desensitized fingertips carry idle perversions,
Haze of a mist creates diversion.
Sacrifice a blue-eyed virgin,
Ripped limbs and spines, we are the diabolical surgeon.
The dirt from my hand paints the walls of this crypt,
Faithless wall surface forbear from me a grip.
Touch the needle through the tip,
Kiss a vampire- only to split your lips

</3- Me
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